BROKEN PIECES

Can you ever recover from grief? Is it possible to heal from the loss of another human being? I recently participated in a grief recovery workshop at which I facilitated one of the small groups.  My job was to listen to the individual stories of loss, provide support as well as moderate discussions around the weekly topic.  Each week’s topic was designed to help the attendee identify and navigate through their grief.  There was an assortment of heart-wrenching first-hand accounts.  Spouses who had lost their partners of many blissful years, motherless young women, fatherless young men and childless parents. All had experienced a recent loss of a life that had been very present and was now inexplicably absent.  And as predictable as death is in the cycle of life, it still feels unnatural. 

We spent six weeks together, as a group that averaged about 25 individuals who shared only the bond of profound loss.  The group leader introduced a different aspect of grief every session and provided time for the small groups to discuss and dissect its application to their own lives. One of the most unforgettable moments was the “breaking of the clay pot.” Each participant was given a small clay pot, a hammer and a zip lock bag.  At the mid-point of the meeting participants were instructed to break the clay pot with the hammer and then express how it made them feel.   The question was asked, how does this broken pot relate to your grief? The answers were as different as they were similar.  One member of my group responded that the pot was not broken enough as she was broken into more pieces from her loss than the pieces that lay before her. There was a sweeping acknowledgement from the other group members. 

How do you put the pieces of your life back together after loss? That’s the challenge of recovering from grief.

As a Christian, I am assured of a few realities. The first obvious one is that death is a part of life, and we will all experience loss.  I am not exempt from pain and suffering because of my commitment to follow Christ. He suffered and so will we.  However, I am comforted by this assurance that not only is He aware that we are in pain, but He also promises to draw even closer to us when we are going through every stage of it. The shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance and processing.  Psalms 34:18 (NLT) reads the Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

During the last session of the grief recovery workshop participants were given their zip lock bags filled with the broken pieces of the clay pot and glue.  The instructions now were to glue the pieces of the pot back together as best as possible. I don’t know which was a more emotional task, the breaking or the reconstructing. The end results of these “fixed” pots were a reminder that our lives, after loss will not look the same as before. They also won’t necessarily function as before, but they are capable of being reconstructed and made whole again. 

Only three short years ago, I too personally experienced my own most profound loss. At 56 years old, my cousin, my sister and lifelong best friend was taken from our family after battling stomach cancer.  There was never a moment up until the point of her departure, that I ever conceived she would not be in my life.  But yet the Lord decided against my will, and I was left to pick up the pieces of my own shattered “clay pot.” It hasn't been easy and as I reconstruct my life without her, there are missing pieces.  What I have learned however, is that even after loss, we can function again, and our lives are capable of fulfillment. So, whether it's the clay pot or our broken lives, it will take putting it back together, one piece at a time. 

~Nicholine Charles